All This Feelings Sh-t
by Bree Rose Namet
Summary: What you didn't see after nationals. Set in Season 3. Puckleberry Oneshot.


When Puck saw them walk in hand in hand, he felt like screaming. Or punching something. How about Finnessa's _face?_ He was about to storm over and do just that, but Mr. Shue walked in, looking _way_ too happy for a choir teacher whose glee club had just come in twelfth place.

"Let's see what twelfth place looks like!" Mr. Shue called, waving the small trophy over his head.

Everybody crowded around, cheering, but Puck was silent.

The last meeting of the year was really just Mr. Shue making a long speech about how proud he was of the glee club, and saying how next year, he was sure they would win it. Or some shit. Puck was too busy glaring at Finn to really pay attention. The douche was holding hands with Rach—_Puck's_ girl. She was supposed to be sitting next to _him_.

She was his girl. _His. _Not Finn Hudson's, not Jesse St. James', _his_. She'd been his girl since she slapped him in kindergarten for calling her a freak with two dads. (He hadn't meant it.)

He was hers. Not Santana Lopez's, not Quinn Fabray's, not Lauren Zizies'. _Hers_. He'd been hers since he pushed her in the mud at JCC when they were five.

OK, so maybe they didn't have the best friendship. Scratch that—no friendship at all. But that didn't stop them from watching each other when the other wasn't looking.

"But we still have to award the trophy for MVP," Mr. Shue said happily. _That_ got Puck's attention. He knew who deserved it, but... "Congratulations, Finn!"

Finn got that big dopey grin on his face and went up to get the trophy. "Thanks, guys. I mean, I know I did a pretty good job writing that song, but I wasn't expecting—"

That did it. Puck got up and stormed angrily out of the room. He walked through the halls and pushed aside the door to the parking lot.

"Wait!" called somebody from behind him. He heard running footsteps, but he didn't stop. "Noah, wait!" his girl called. _His_ girl. He stopped feet away from his truck.

"Rach?" he asked, surprised. He turned around, before remembering that she was with _Hudson_ now. "Berry. What the hell do you want?" he asked flatly.

"Noah?" She shrank back, hurt. "I... I was merely checking to see how you were. Something clearly bothered you just now, and out of concern for your well-being, as well as your capability to drive under such conditions, I though it best if I—"

"You know what _fuckin_ upset me?" Puck burst out angrily. "Seeing you walk in with Finn. Seeing you holding hands with him—and you kissing him at Nationals? Shit ain't kosher, Berry."

"_He_ kissed _me_, Noah!" she said angrily. As if it mattered.

"Fine. You kissing him back, then."

She just looked at him for a minute. He shifted awkwardly, wishing that she would say something. "We should talk, Noah," she said finally. It was the first time that she'd sounded almost human.

"Get in," he grunted, opening the passenger door of his truck.

She looked from him to the seat and back again, and he almost laughed. She was so short that to get in, she'd probably have to take a running leap or something.

He walked over, picking her up lightly, and placed her in the truck, closing the door after her. He strode quickly around the truck and got in, starting the engine.

Puck pulled out of the parking lot and drove for a while in silence, but Rachel was pleased to see that he looked a little calmer than he had when he'd stormed out. She still didn't know what was going on, but as soon as Noah left the choir room, she shot a pleading glance at Finn before running after him. He'd seemed so... _furious!_

"Noah, where are we going?" Rachel broke the silence a few minutes later.

"Somewhere where we can talk," he said.

He pulled up in front of a small house. There was a pink tricycle on the grass and sports equipment on the porch. Rachel recognized his house from the few times she'd been over when they were little.

Puck got out, slamming the door behind him and striding up the path. Rach jumped out and closed the door, running after him.

"Noah..." she started, but suddenly the door burst open and a little seven-year-old girl was standing there. "Hi, Sarah."

"Rachel!" she said, wide-eyed, before turning to Puck. "Is she _finally_ your girlfriend now?" she demanded.

"No, brat. Go away."

"Noah!" Rach reprimanded him. He just chuckled bitterly and went into the house. The petite girl followed him through the living room, up the stairs, and into his bedroom. He slammed the door behind them and flopped down on his bed.

"Now, would you kindly explain what is going on?"

He sat there for a minute before replying, "I wrote that song."

"Noah? What do you..." Rachel trailed off, realizing what he meant.

"That song that Finnessa's been taking credit for and shit? That's mine. _All_ mine."

Rachel knew that it was more than that, but she was glad that Puck was opening up a little. "Why did you let him?" she asked quietly.

Puck rubbed his hand over his face. He suddenly looked exhausted. "It wasn't my idea. I wrote it a month ago, but I pulled it out in the hotel room. Hudson just grabbed it, you know? And I tried to get it back, but he said that I had to let him take credit and sing it at Nationals—with _you—_or he would tell everybody..."

"Tell them what?" Rachel asked quietly.

"I wrote that song for you, Rach," he said by way of explanation. ("I'm in love with you", only he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.)

"When did you write the song?" (How long have you been in love with me?)

"I started it sophomore year, but I didn't finish it until after I took you home after Burt and Carole's wedding." (I fell in love with you in grade 10, but I didn't realize until you found out about Finn and Santana.)

"Noah..." Rachel said, putting a hand on his arm. He shook it off.

"What are you doing, Rach? Have you forgotten about your dreams? About _New York City?_"

"Of course not!" Rachel said indignantly. "Finn is fully aware of the fact that after graduation, I will go to New York, and he isn't holding me back."

"That's the thing, babe. I heard him talking to Quinn after we got home from New York. She was all mad because he broke up with her and was chasing after you, and you know what he said?"

"_Rachel and I are in love, Quinn," Finn had insisted. "After graduation, we'll get married and live here. I'll run Burt's car shop and Rachel will cook and look after our kids. There's nothing you can do about it!"_

"_You really think she'll give up her dreams for _you_?" Quinn had laughed incredulously. "You can't keep her from New York City."_

"_Rachel doesn't belong there," Finn had stated, as if it were obvious. "She isn't good enough. She belongs with me, and she knows it. She loves me."_

"He... Finn said that?" Rachel whispered.

"Yeah," Puck muttered.

Rachel stood there, on the verge of tears. Without a word, Puck got up and left the room.

As soon as he was gone, the brunette collapsed on his bed, sobbing. She'd tried _so hard_ to get it to work... but she couldn't stay in Lima! She just _couldn't!_

Puck returned and wordlessly handed Rachel a glass of water. She stared at him for a minute, before remembering that day in kindergarten when Dave Karofsky was calling her a freak with two dads, and she'd asked Puck to get her water bottle after water bottle as she was crying. _"I always drink water when I'm sad. Now I can't tell if I'm sad or just... thirsty."_

"Rach, I told Finn to ask you out," he muttered. "When we were in New York."

"Why?" She stopped crying and looked up.

"I thought that if you realized that you two didn't _work_, you would give up. And Hudson would give up. And then I would..." He shuffled his feet. "I thought it worked when you ran off. Guess not."

Rachel stared at him for a minute. He ran a hand through his 'hawk as he sat down on his desk.

"Goddammit, he's trying to keep you here, Rach!" Puck burst out, looking up. "And I know I'm not much less of a Lima Loser than he is, but I've been trying. I'm getting good grades, I'm staying out of trouble since juvie..." He sighed. "I'm looking at NYU. I'm not gonna get stuck here, babe, and even if you don't want me, I'll go to New York anyway. I'll stay out of your way, I'll—"

"Noah," Rachel said gently. "You're not going to get stuck here. And I can't promise that I'll forget about Finn, but he is nothing compared to you. _Nothing._"

Puck stared at her for a minute, making sure that she was serious, before jumping on to the bed, wrapping her up in his arms and kissing her deeply. "Rach, I—"

The door flew open. "She _is_ your girlfriend!" Sarah shouted triumphantly. Rachel jumped and tried to pull away, but Puck hugged her tightly. "You're his girlfriend, aren't you, Rachel?"

"I'm not sure if—"

"Yeah," Rachel interrupted Puck. "I am."

Sarah clapped her hands, but Puck ignored her. He got up, slammed the door in her face, and fell back onto his bed.

"Noah, what are you doing?" Rachel demanded. "That was rude!"

"I'm making out with my new _girlfriend_," he smirked. "I'm gonna be the best fuckin' boyfriend _ever_."

Rachel beamed at him. "I'm going to have to tell Finn, though."

"Rach? Enough with the _feelings_ shit," Puck demanded. "I feel like checking to make sure I haven't grown a v—"

This time it was Rachel who grabbed him and kissed him.


End file.
